A Meltdown

- Written Sunday, August 7, 2011  Evening -

For the second time in the last two weeks I have had to cancel a scheduled shoot due to equipment failure (have been dealing with equipment issues for months now).  This shoot was one of the Mystic Women, who was very gracious when I explained to her what was going on.  The good thing is that I caught her at home before she left to come to the studio. 

Time and scheduling is critical for me.  Mostly, because I can only be upright for a few hours each day before my body begins to break down and cause so much agony that I pay for it all night long (if not days).  I have learned over time how to juggle things to where I can accomplish certain things each day...and NOT push it.  That seems to work for me.  So when issues come up like sudden cancellations/re-schedules, it sends me into a tailspin as I know to "double up or pull an all-nighter" is a physical impossibility.  Hence, my meltdown today.

We got the equipment working last week and thought everything was fine...when to my utter shock today, it was my camera all along...my bread and butter just died.  It made several attempts then sputtered, and died.  So, after calling my client, I just could not help but to have a total and complete meltdown.  Of course I will have to send it to Cannon for repair which will push back my schedule even further.  We are under major pressure right now to get these shots done so I can forward the photos to Brian so he can finish the PR materials in time for printing and distribution in Sept. And of course, school begins in Sept.

It is times like these that I wonder why I am doing all this massive amount of work...for no money(MWS)?  I seriously question my sanity sometimes.

I broke down the studio and loaded the truck crying all the way home on a rainy day feeling defeated, helpless, and confused.  Sometimes this hard headed southern gal breaks down and today was the day.

After arriving home and curling up on the couch to finish my cry,  I saw the Behind the Scenes part 1 episode of the final Oprah Show (yes, I am a fan).  And one statement Ms. O made to the viewers really hit me,"the only courage you need is the courage to live the life of your dreams."  I am a FIRM believer there are NO coincidences, I was meant to hear that statement.

It is my dream to finish this project, to create an exquisite photography/historical/literary book, that in turn will tell the world about the phenomenal group of women that reside in this very magical place.

Yes...I now have the courage to go on (and maybe, just maybe my photography degree can be fit in there too).
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